(Almost) 8 Tips to Avoid Computer Armageddon
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Although my latest novel, True Believers, is pure romance with a side of world domination, it also relies on two AIs (artificial intelligences) called Bubba and FAIA. These computers are so smart they become sentient.
Think twice before downloading Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' as a ringtone. You might get more than you expected. Like maybe Cyber Gaga(Italics). (Though you might be hard-pressed to tell them apart.)
It's Computer Armageddon, folks! Coming to a network near you.
Did you know that major retailers know how much product to reorder the moment you leave the store? The sister of a friend of mine helped developed that technology.
Today, computer chips are embedded in everything from clothing, cell phones — even your pets. We are no longer in charge.
Much like the zombie apocalypse, Computer Armageddon is no laughing matter. If you see code monkeys from your local Best Buy store packing up and heading for the hills, that's your clue that Armageddon has already begun.
Here are some tips to help you out.
- Your cell phone can track you anywhere on the planet. If you plan on doing any subversive activity be sure to trade phones with your great Aunt Edna first. So what if the Feds catch up with her? She might like prison.
- Your dog is a snitch if he's been microchipped. This leaves you with one of two choices. Trade Sparky in for a hamster, or zap him with a Taser in the hope the shock might destroy the chip. —of course, Sparky might not like you after that. (Down, boy.)
- If your computer monitor suddenly comes on and you see a naked Gerard Butler inviting you to join him on a white fur rug, avert your eyes immediately. It's a trap!
….you didn't listen, did you? :sigh: Moving on.
- Trade your body for Code Monkey favors. I know. Some of those boys have pimples. But it's Armageddon, woman! Do it for humanity.
- If you manage to disable your computer before it alerts the authorities, make sure your kids do not witness your sabotage. If your kid ever realizes you were responsible for interrupting World Of Warcraft, he will rat you out in a heartbeat. Never mind you were in labor for 72 hours bringing him into this world. You're history, Mom.
- Learn to make the perfect margarita. It won't slow down Armageddon. But after a few drinks, you won't really care.
- Computers are privy to your finances, your medical records and every email or Facebook photo you've ever uploaded. Just remember you still have opposable thumbs. If push comes to shove, pull the plug.
- And finally Tip #8. If your computer suspects—
Download complete. User Terminated.
Have a nice day!
Maria Zannini's latest release is a science fiction romance called TRUE BELIEVERS. Mix one cynical immortal and one true believer and throw them into the biggest alien-hunt the world has never known. Rachel Cruz is a Nephilim masquerading as an archeologist and she's stuck with an alien who believes she can lead him to his ancestral gods. Black Ops wants to find these gods too. They want them dead.