Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Antidote

We interrupt our regular programming for this slice-of-Maya.

Everyone has issues.

By the time we reach adulthood, the childhood bumps and bruises to our psyches (our functional selves) leave us with our own customized set of baggage, which we tote around until we decide to open the boxes and examine that stuff we so carefully packed away.

I've dealt with a lot of my baggage. However, two issues remain. The one I've been dealing with over the past few months has been a tendency to feel trapped when circumstances arise which are beyond my control.

As some of you know from reading this blog, I've had a lot on my plate over the past couple of months. One of the reasons I quit my job was an impulsive response to a growing feeling of being caged. Of course, the threat of serious health issues did not improve upon that sense of being trapped.

While the employment issue is not yet completely resolved, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, despite several pieces of good news health-wise, my usual coping skills have suffered. I've continually awakened to a feeling that my back was to the wall.

Sunday morning, I awoke before dawn. I didn't turn on the lights, just moved in the darkness to my computer to begin writing.

I felt stifled and unable to express myself.

Without stopping to think what I was doing or why, I pulled on my jeans and a tank top, headed out to my car and began driving south.

At 5:00 in the morning on a weekend, there isn't much traffic on the highways heading out of Dallas. I rolled the windows down and cranked up an oldie station on the radio. I'm ashamed to admit I exceeded the speed limit by nearly twenty miles. At least that's what the cop who pulled me over thirty minutes later said.

I talked him out of giving me a ticket--that's the fourth time in a row over the last two years I've pulled off that feat.

Something funny happened. I don't know if it was the speed, the distance or just confirmation that I can talk my way out of most problems, but as I drove home, I realized I'd left that sense of being trapped back on the highway somewhere.

I was now a LONG way from Dallas. I pulled over at a truckstop, had a hearty breakfast and then meandered home, feeling better than I've felt in weeks. I watched the sun rise in the east with a sense of well-being. I returned home, sat at my computer and wrote like a maniac all day.

At the end of this day, I have a sense of accomplishment and--more importantly--a confidence that's been missing for the past eight weeks.

The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world. ~Adabella Radici


Sharon said...

I'm envious. What I wouldn't give for a day like that....

Maya Reynolds said...

Sharon: For some reason, the first thing that came to my mind when I read your comment was
"I kissed an awful lot of frogs to get that prince of a day."


Wishing you a wonderful day all of your own.

Stephen Parrish said...

For what it's worth, my confidence in you has been steadfast since the day I met you. I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone on this side of your computer screen. We all get the heebie-jeebies sometimes. Maybe during such times we should define ourselves as others see us. In your case that would mean someone brilliant and beautiful is in the mirror, looking back; someone who needn't ever lack confidence in herself.

For what it's worth.

Maya Reynolds said...

Stephen: Bless you, my friend.

Thanks so much!

Linda Banche said...

Hi Maya,

I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time. But you got out of it, and you did it yourself. I think the trick is to hang in there, and you've done it, just like the heroines in the romances we like so much.

Maya Reynolds said...

Linda: What a kind thing to say.

While I'd like to take the credit, I think luck (or what I choose to call the Lord) had more to do with it than I did. I just held on by my fingertips and endured.

Thanks for stopping by.