Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Wretched Writers Welcome

Today's a two-post day. If you're interested in my experience trying out for "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire," read the post that follows this one.

The results are out. San Jose State University has announced this year's winners for the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

This is the 24th year the contest has been held. Entrants submit "the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." The worst opening sentence wins $250.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, for whom the contest is named, was the author of that famous phrase, "It was a dark and stormy night."

The winner of this year's contest was Jim Guigli of Carmichael, California. He submitted sixty entries, but this was the winner:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

While I agree that was a great bad entry, my favorite was the runner up:

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?"

Go to to read more.

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