Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Another Stupid Political Story

I try very hard to avoid getting overtly political in these blogs.

Okay, I'll admit it. I don't try VERY hard. But I do try, and that's often difficult because I am a political animal.

Sometimes, however, an incident is just so ridiculous, or so bizarre, I can't restrain myself. It was that way last week with Fred Head, the Democratic candidate for Comptroller here in Texas.

It's in that vein of pure stupidity that I tell this next story. This time, the joke is on the Republicans--in Florida.

Florida is like my second home. We moved there when I was twelve, and I stayed until I was twenty-five. My mother still lives there along with two of my brothers and their families. I remain interested in the politics of the state--which is almost as free-wheeling as my beloved Texas.

This story comes to us courtesy of a great writer, Carl Hiaasen, who is a columnist for the Miami Herald.

I'm sure, by now, you're familiar with the name Mark Foley--the congressman from Florida who resigned last month under a cloud of accusations of inappropriate behavior with congressional pages.

The Republican party in its wisdom selected Joe Negron to run for Foley's seat in the 16th congressional district. But the decision came too late to update the ballots. Negron wanted to post notices at the polling places to explain that a vote for Mark Foley would actually be a vote for him.

According to Hiaasen's column, "When Leon County Circuit Judge Janet Ferris ruled against the on-site notices, Democratic contender Tim Mahoney cheered the decision, saying it preserved 'the sanctity of the
ballot box.' It also preserved the convenient invisibility of Joe Negron."

"State Republicans, prodded by Gov. Jeb Bush, intend to appeal Judge Ferris' ruling that barred the posting of such notices. They say it's unfair to their candidate--an amusing argument from the same people who blocked Al Gore from getting a statewide recount in his presidential contest with the
governor's brother six years ago."

Carl Hiaasen, who has an evil sense of humor, suggested that, if the Republicans win their appeal, they post the following notice in all the polling places:

Notice to All Registered Voters of the 16th Congressional District:

This is to remind you that a vote for that degenerate mollusk, Mark Foley, is really a vote for that upstanding family guy, Joe Negron!

Joe sincerely wishes his name were on the ballot instead of Mark Foley's.
It certainly would make your task easier, and ours, too. And even though it might be distasteful--even nauseating--to cast a vote for the disgraced former congressman, you can be confident that your vote won't be wasted.

Each and every one will be counted for Joe Negron, who is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like Mark Foley, we swear to God.

For example, Joe Negron has never gone skinny dipping with a priest. Or even with a rabbi, for that matter. He has never flirted with teenagers on the Internet, or engaged in raunchy online sex while voting on an important appropriations bill.

Please don't punish Joe Negron just because his name isn't on your ballot. It would have been there, if only Mark Foley had been caught earlier.

That would have happened had the House Republican leadership not
looked the other way, but that also isn't Joe Negron's fault. He is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like Dennis Hastert, we swear to God.

Look at it this way: A vote for Mark Foley is really a vote against Mark
Foley and the morally bankrupt system that allowed him to run wild for all those years.

Send a strong message to Washington by electing Joe Negron to Congress. Vote for Mark Foley on Nov. 7.


Emjay said...

My mind is not like a steel trap, more like a rusted one you would find on the back, back junkyard.

You know farms all had junk yards, the best stuff closest to the barn, really bad stuff back, and unmentionable stuff back, back.

However, I believe the columnist is incorrect about his statement that Republicans blocked a state-wide recount. Gore did not request a state-wide recount, just a re-count of precincts he thought he could win.

If I'm wrong, take me down a peg, but not too far, I'm already pretty low.

Maya said...

Emjay: The Florida Secretary of State's certification of the electors ended hopes of recounts either county-wide or statewide (although that decision was challenged in multiple courts).

Thanks for keeping Carl honest.